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By Kellys Kaunda
I have recently read several messages of women posting messages warning men against in-boxing them for dates because they are not on Facebook for men and they are married.
They also say they are actually irritated while other fellow women urge them on in support, “tell them, they have become too much”.
I haven’t heard any man respond to this. Is there merit in this complaint? Should men be bothered about this and feel guilty if they have done it before?
Here is my response shot straight from the hip: forget about it guys! It should not bother you as a man in any way, and here is why.
Since time immemorial, men have always initiated their moves on women: they stood by the road side while they waited for their “date” come rain, come sunshine; they sent little boys to go and fish her out from her parents’ home; they sent love letters plagiarized from the Song of Solomon, etc.
Today men still hunt for women in any way they may: on the bus; in the library; at work; in the choir; at the graveyard; at the market; at political rallies; in the bar; on the plane; on the ship; no place is out of bounds.
With the dawn of the Internet, it too has provided a platform for “hunting”. Social media is a fertile ground for men and the in-box provides the best cover and entry point. You want to tell off a man because they have in-boxed you for a date? I have news for you my sister: since time immemorial, men have always suffered abusive language at the hands of women they chased.
If men listened to you and the abusive language sometimes you hail at them, a very small proportion of women would be married today. Men that are married or in relationships today will tell you the abusive language they sometimes suffered at the hands of the women that are today their spouses.
Some of them were dismissed as losers; paupers; Chimbwi no plan; and many other abuses. I remember one woman in Ndola telling me in the presence of several other people: “you, you are like a woman who simply cooks for his friends”. This was in reference to the situation at the time when I was not working but living with friends who were working. I still remember the pain and injury I felt as I almost shed tears openly.
Men are acutely aware of the verbal abuses they suffer in the process of wanting a woman and have in the process found ways of dealing with this in constructive ways. In case you women did not know, men desperately need you so much so that they would go nuts if they did not have you in their lives. They stand the verbal abuses as if they were dumb and stupid because they cannot live without you.
So, when you get irritated and they keep coming like zombies who are not listening to you shouting that you don’t want them, it is because they need you for them to remain sane and socially functional. My advice to you is: take it easy. Either ignore the messages and smile or gently tell the brother or brothers that you are not available for a date. Do it as often as they come if you choose to respond.
Your angry reactions are as ineffective as picking up a quarrel with a mentally deranged individual who has hailed unprintable at you.