How men mess themselves filya

 How men mess themselves filya
Musterd Phiri
Imagine Mwaba is a bush guy, he loves everything about the bush and he sees his next 50 years in the bush… He is a graduate but he doesn’t even have the slightest idea where his degree is… He just wants to live in the bush.. He is happy here

Now Mwaba wants to marry. Social pressure, friends pressuring, family pressure, plus a healthy 30 year old horny man, Mwaba succumbs.

Now instead of picking somebody interested in what he does, instead of picking a woman willing to support his dreams and goals and ambition, Mwaba wants to show society ati nabo baume… He goes and picks a ‘trophy wife ‘?… Ka lawyer olo ka Doctor olo ka manager filya, somebody whose life is totally parallel to his life.. But ninshi pa menso ka suma bad

Awe the wedding is awesome, the committee raises enough cash, donations from his friends and family and all that.. It’s a wedding to talk about, full of pomp and splendor…

After the wedding, Mwaba returns to the bush.. New madam at first tries to keep up, but reality dawns.. New madam is unhappy in the bush, she wants to go to town, she’s not used to such a life.. Mwaba wants his wife close to him so that bakule farm pamo plus he needs sex almost daily ???.. New madam loves Mwaba, but she can’t stand the bush, it’s not her life.. .. Conflict of interest arise.

Barely 3 months down the line problems start.. Mwaba is ? unhappy, and so is the cute madam.. She feels imprisoned to pursue her dreams. She wants to do her master, work in a bank or practice her law daily.. . The bush is too much for her. No electricity, the smell of animals, uneducated local village people are not her match.. She misses town, she misses Mandahill and Arcades and east Park Mall and Jacaranda mall or Mukuba mall in Kitwe… She can’t take it anymore..

He who finds a wife finds a good thing. But Instead of joy and happiness, fights begin.. Mwaba now can’t work well on the farm because half the time he is fighting with madam who is now miserable.. The workers notice the farm is going down, they haven’t been paid for months.. They begin to leave one by one.. The farm is now in intensive care, the marriage is hanging on the thread… It’s all over..

See that’s why it’s important to be very very honest with each other before commitments are set in.. Don’t over look even the tiniest facts, don’t pretend all will be OK, ati fikaisova… Awe, tafi isova … Ask the serious questions and tell each other the truth.. Yes we may want the very best but sometimes nature says “no! ” Stop there.. Not that we bad people no. Just that lives sometimes may be in opposites…

Before commitments are set in, align yourselves..if one is wiling to sacrifice, the better.. And it must be genuine and true and honest sacrifice.. Not when things go wrong you start finger pointing and saying “I would have been well off if you had not persuaded me to come with you or to do ABCD… It must be a free choice..

You need a single vision in the home So that there is no division.. Division means two visions, divided visions.. And it is those divisions that lead to only one thing, DIVORCE!

So wait for what’s yours.. Much as people may talk or say this and that, wait for God’s appointed time.. God cannot give you what will injure you and cause you pain.. If you rush and listen to people’s peer pressure, years later you will be standing in a divorce court while hurting innocent kids…

Am not at all saying a farmer must marry a farmer, a teacher must marry a teacher.. That’s the myopic way of viewing what am saying.. All am saying is align your visions, talk, muchi sungu ati BE ON THE SAME PAGE… over looking small issues is inviting sadness in future… After all it is the small little details that make up life… Even the Bible says “how shall two walk together unless they agree”

So wait, wait for God’s appointed time.. And always pray… Pray without ceasing for the right partner and that we may not be mislead

All is well, one day at a time…….

The Independent Observer

John Sakala is a Journalist yearning for independent journalism

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